i am dumb

I need to find my will power. It seems to have left me completely.



I am, however, having much fun playing volleyball. We lost both our games yesterday, but it is tons of fun. I am going to the gym tonight if it kills me. I have never felt so busy in my entire life.



If I can get back in the gym regularly, I will feel like I've got something under control. I want to lose at least 25 pounds before I have my wedding dress final fitting. I had a lunch packed today but gave in to go to McDonalds. I totally suck at that. We don't often get to eat out at lunch and today we had some extra time, so the art teacher said she was running out and I was like, "Oh, are you going to McDonald's?" Dumb DUMB DUMB!

First Biggest Loser Weigh-In

Not bad. I lost 3.8 pounds. Could have been better, but I didn't work as hard as I could have this week. I plan on working hard and sticking with counting all my points this week. I only got to the gym twice last week, but I'm going tonight with my trainer. Usually I'm too sore the next day to go, but I'll try!

Weekend Eating

I did good Friday and made my own Chinese stir-fry instead of ordering out at work. On the drive to Louisiana, I caved and had a Whataburger Jr (which I'm pretty sure is 7 points) and a small thing of fries. Later that night we went out and I got a grilled chicken something at Applebee's. It had bad stuff on top, but I didn't eat the rice.

Saturday was pretty good. I didn't have breakfast, just because of the circumstances, but we had low-point taco soup for lunch. The only bad thing was that I put some Fritos on it. For dinner we went to a really nice Italian restaurant and we had spinach and artichoke dip for an appetizer, BAD. I got a wedge salad with bleu cheese, BAD, and the spaghetti with meat sauce. I didn't eat much spaghetti and had it boxed up.

Ate the spaghetti for breakfast on Sunday. HA! Then we had lunch and there was green bean casserole, biscuits (I ate 2!) and some meatloaf. That wasn't too bad, but I'd had a fight with Josh and was feeling kind of down, so I ate total junk food on the drive home. Chips, chocolate. The only thing I didn't do was get a regular Coke. BOO!

I'm back on track today so far. First weigh-in on Wednesday.

Set Back!

Just read my last post from the end of OCTOBER and I was 40 pounds down. Now I'm 30 pounds down. I went and gained 10 pounds since October. Great. Ok, so there were the holidays, and my dad was in the hospital most of November, then he passed away in December, so I did have a lot of emotional eating going on.

But now I'm ENGAGED and my wedding is in July. July of THIS YEAR, so I've got to get this weight off.

We started the Biggest Loser challenge at work. Everyone pays $15 to join, and in the end whoever has the biggest loss by percentage wins the money. So if you weight 200 pounds, and you lose 20, you've lost 10%. I currently weight 308 (and I'm 6'2"), so I'd have to lose 30 pounds to make 10%. I'm not certain that's fair, but it's the rule. We started yesterday with the first weigh in, and have until April 2nd to lose as much as possible.

I want to win.

Mostly I want to lose as much as I can before I have to have my wedding dress altered. Luckily it is one of those corset back things AND they ordered it a size smaller, so I can comfortably lose 20 pounds or so and still not need it altered. It fits right now, but it'll look even better with some weight off. Then if I lose more, they'll take it in some. I really want to lose at least 30 by the time I need the dress altered, which will be in May. I will drop the dress off the 1st or 2nd week of May so it'll be ready in time for my bridal portrait.

Ok, so I'm hoping the 10 pounds I put on will come off kind of quick and then I can start chipping away more. Wish me luck (if anyone still reads)...

Slowly but surely...

I'm 40 pounds down. And wearing a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while. :)

Had a really bad eating day yesterday, but still made it to the gym. I am doing my best today, but we are going out for lunch. It's a sandwich place, so I think I'm going to try the turkey sandwich. Gotta be better than Chinese food!

Motivation!

I'm 99.9% sure I'll be engaged soon. If not soon, then sometime in early 2008. It'll be a fast engagement (our first date was June 17, 2007), but who cares? I'm 30, he's 29, and it's really nobody's business but mine and his.

I bought two bridal mags at the grocery store today. Since I can't really start planning until there's a ring on my finger, daydreaming about things will have to suffice. There are many things to consider for a 2008 wedding. If I had it my way, we'd set the date for December '08. The long distance thing makes it complicated, as does my job/apt timing, etc. I do not want a summer wedding (the heat, the heat!), and he doesn't want a football season wedding. But whatever, it's not official, so I can't discuss it.

I can, however, get my shit together and start losing this weight like I should have done a long time ago. I won't see my trainer again until Oct 24, and I need to be at my Sept goal by that time. I had a setback, so today, I start over. I took the day off work because I just had so much shit to do, and I can't remember the last time I had a day to just get things done. Long distance relationships are tough that way. I used to have weekends, but now I want to spend all my free weekends with him. Anyway, today is the day I start over. My goal is to lose about 20 pounds by the end of the year. It'll be challenging with Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I'm gonna put up a picture of a wedding gown or something to keep me motivated.

I'm hitting the Latin Fusion class at the gym this evening, and I'm about to go think something healthy up for dinner, and hopefully I'll have enough left over for lunch tomorrow. I'm thinking teriyaki chicken strips with stir-fry veggies. We'll see if I have the stuff to get it done.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

Long time no write!

At this very moment, I hate my boyfriend. Yes, since I last posted here, I went and go a boyfriend.

He hasn't answered my text or my call (and I'm not the gf that texts and calls all the time), so wtf man? We didn't have the best weekend and I'm thinking he's either pissed at me or doesn't want to talk bcs I'm a little pissed at him.

Anyway...ummm...I've lost some weight since I last posted here, but I've also gained some back in the past couple weeks. Between being too busy for the gym, then being too sick for the gym, food has gotten the best of me. Last time I got on the scale, I was 37 pounds down. It's probably more like 34 or 33 pounds now, but I'll still take it!. Just gotta get back into the swing of things after I get feeling better. :)